Announcing Pregnancy and Answering Questions

Dear readers are you there yet?

Aghhh the same questions again and again and again. All involving numbers, dates, days, weeks aghhh. Honestly I’ve answered the same questions over and over since initially announcing the pregnancy to the amazing [mostly female] staff at my workplace. Unfortunately I haven’t known the answers to any of these questions any of the million times I’ve been asked. Unfortunately I answered most by playing guessing games about days and weeks from when we’d done the pregnancy test or when Bam thinks she had her last period. I must have given dozen of different answers.

I’d decided to tell work folk before Christmas thinking we’d be going for the first scan pretty soon after the holidays. We’d heard nothing about the scan date by the time I’d returned to work so I continued with my guess work about how far gone Bam was. When we finally got the scan date [for near a month later] I was at least able to provide this date to people. My advice to people, advice that is given to everybody and I ignored, wait till after the first scan to tell heads.

We had told family and our works but we hadn’t actually told the world aka Facebook. Silly really but we both have lots of friends in the two different towns we’re originally from who didn’t know. Continuing where the scan day diary left off this is just a footnote from the amazing confirmation that our baby actually existed.


Scan Day (part 2)

Me and Bam unfortunately fell out via text as I’d asked her to not post it on Facebook until the following day as I had wanted to let a number of people in my home town know via phone call first. It got posted and we [secretly] argued as everybody congratulated us. In hindsight I do feel aggrieved about the argument. I really hate the fact B felt bad on such an splendicious day.

We did make up [via text] and I told her ‘I loved her’ and she replied the same to me. Bam chilled at her mum till later on about bought me a McDonalds on her way back at about 11pm. My brother had called to chill for an hour or so and discuss the scan and his new pro wrestling career with a glass of wine.

Amazing day!!!


Moral of the story is get your shit in check. Tell who needs telling and don’t leave things until the last minute.

The Bad Blogger


The greatest moment since Aguero scored that goal…well, almost.

Dear readers

Forgive my off the bat frankness. Scan day was amazing, absolutely unforgettable probably the most generally happy I’ve been over the course of a morning. But as singular moments go the rather unemotional nonchalant attitude of the scan lady did dampen the experience. I would have appreciated a commentary of events more akin to Sergio Aguero’s last minute goal against QPR in 2012 while she searched for our baby. It was more a matter of ‘get on the bed, there’s your baby, do you want a picture?’. Oh well we received the confirmation that we were so desperate for.

I’ve included part of my Pregnancy Diary entry of the day below:

Scan Day

Today was one of the best days of both our lives. We got to the hospital in good time, checked in and Bam was on the hospital bed with some gel on her tummy by 9.30 am. The lady scanning found our baby almost immediately and we got to see him or her for the first time ever. Wow!. The little dude was wiggling around something rotten with so many features showing clearly. Head, [big] brain, body, spine, crossed legs, little arms and tiny heart. Bam commented about how crazy it was that our pretty little creature was moving around so much and that she could not feel it at all.

I then walked up the road and had a look in a small bookshop while B had her bloods taken (although she didn’t as the wait was too long). Clocked a signed copy of His Dark Material for future reference. We got dinner (minted lamb + salad bap and vanilla slice for me and bacon and cooked tomatoes for her) and drove up Castle Hill to eat it.

I then went to work proud as punch with my scan photo. It was amazing the reaction people gave. Everybody seemed so made up for us. I do work with a large number of amazingly caring people and fully appreciate them.

Me and Bam then unfortunately fell out via text as……..

The following part of this diary entry is relevant to my next post and point of contention.

The Bad Blogger


Here’s a comparison of me and our child at a similar age.

Our Baby

Un-immaculate Conception

Dear Readers

I suppose I’m posting this diary purely for the fact that I wrote it. I’m not sure what useful information one might derive from it. Hopefully there is enough comedic value within to repay any sense of wasted time.

Early 2016

We decided we were going to try for a baby.

Late April

Bam came off the pill

28th April

I text B saying ‘Lets make a baby when I get home’. So later that night we tried.

7th May

B came home with a pregnancy test.

9th May

Bam text saying she’s feeling a bit sick and stressed. She’s been told this is because she’s just come off the pill. I sympathized and offered to make tea and run a bath for when she gets home. She told me off for not asking questions about feeling sick.

10th May

The book ‘Pregnancy for Men’ has arrived. Hopefully I’ve a while before having to pick it up.

12th May

Had another go at making a baby.

14th May

I begged it in the morning, received in the evening haha, that’s a joke.

21st May

Bam said something about stomach pains.

23rd May

Had sex last night. B mentioned having stomach pains.

27th May

B’s not started her period, today is her most typical day. We had shower then bed sex. I said I thought B was already pregnant ‘because her boobs seemed a bit different’

Bam later said that maybe her period was due the following week haha. But just to make sure we did a pregnancy test. Stopwatch out to time the dipping of the test stick into a cotton bud tub lid worth of wee, 5 seconds, and then we covered the test stick and timed 3 minutes. This wait was pretty agonizing. Negative, not pregnant. I think I can wait another month or so anyhow. Although I am trying!

Not this time.

31st May

B said some blood came out. While she may have lost track of the general week her cycle occurs shes confident it never starts on a Wednesday.

2nd June

She came on as normal. Mystery solved.

Please forgive me for recording all this shit. At the time [I thought] it could have been relevant.

11th June

Tried making a baby.

18th June

Downstairs watching Harry Potter became a V assisted attempt at making a baby.

25th June

Went out on the town and got pretty drunk. Got home and had rare drunk sex.

30th June

She informed me that she came on, not pregnant.

8th July

Had a go.


28th July


1st Aug

Had another go.


Been slack on the writing but did manage to get a few rounds in over the time.

2nd Dec

Got home from work early on the Friday as we were heading to London. I was in the kitchen and Bam called through from the front room “I’ve got some good news”. I went in and B rummaged in her bag and pulled out a little tube thing. She said something along the line of “it says I’m pregnant look, 2 straight lines”. I was a little taken away and gave her a big hug. Then we went to London and ended our attempts at conception with a final round.


When opposites give up and settle for each other


Dear potentially non existent readers

Before diving into the comprehensive version of my partner and I’s conception history let me give you a very short history of myself and our relationship. Hopefully a better idea of who we are will shed better light on our worries and concerns and why we make certain decisions along the way.

3f121d6359d83f18da981d2ba83a5332Bought up by my Dad with my older brother on a northern council estate we were certainly one of the more privileged families on the estate. My Dad worked his arse off to provide for us and led by immaculate example. Our Mum had left home when I was 3 and lived in a rough estate of high rise flats. She had 3 other children (my little brother and sisters) but due to alcohol abuse they were taken into social care and fostered. The eldest of my two sisters suffers with a range of learning disabilities and at 15 was allowed to live back with my Mum, primarily due to her challenging behaviour.

My missus, whom I shall refer to as Bam (B.A.M – Becoming a Mum), grew up living with her Mum, her Dad having left [for good] when she was very young. Bam’s mum had her own issues, and a bit of a party life, and Bam found herself helping to raise her younger brother from an early age. While Bam’s elder sister had children in her teens Bam was focused on getting a job, career and life of her own before settling down with the right person (which at the moment is apparently me).

I work in a special school currently spending half my week teaching and the other supporting autistic individuals on a one to one bases. Bam works as a healthcare assistant for a number of pupils in our school. I once gave a lesson in which Bam happened to be in supporting a client. The lesson saw me doing a bit of silly story rap which went over better with the kids than most the support staff. That said I got home that night to a Facebook message telling me how amazing my lesson was (I might of added the word ‘amazing’) and after a little chat Bam asked if i’d like to go out on a date.

In the 2 years we’ve been together we’ve certainly discovered how different we are. Bam I would describe as a pessimist (realist in her eyes) who is extremely caring, hard working and efficient in almost everything that she does. I would have to say I am certainly more optimistic than Bam and just as caring, although we sit at different points on the empathy spectrum. I find it hard to say I’m ‘hard working’ because I love my job so much its hardly work, that said I do strive to constantly improve myself for work. Our interests massively differ, Bams major interests appears to be finding the right man and starting a family while taking time to travel and visiting delightful places. I’m down with that (I’ve little choice now) although I do have a number of interests I invariably bore Bam with. These range from football, autism and hip hop to science, history, religion and plenty more.

So that’s us. Two average folk starting a family. What can go wrong?

No, honestly what can go wrong? I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

Best wishes.

The Bad Blogger

Becoming a dad and [bad] blogger at the same time

Dear everybody who finds this blog

I have recently begun trotting the path towards parenthood having found out over Christmas that my girlfriend is pregnant. With this amazing news has begun an amazing journey. I write this 5 days before our first scan, 5 days before things become real.

The wait has been excruciating. Firstly to get pregnant and now for the first real confirmation (other than the pregnancy test and basically all the symptoms).

Along the way, between conception and pregnancy, there have been a few things worth noting either for practical or comical reasons. It is here on this blog that I intend to share our experiences in hope of helping, enlightening or amusing readers.

My initial blog will be a brief history of our super amazing relationship. This of course sounds boring but I hope to put a bit of context into our journey. Followed by a moderately humorous conception diary which probably won’t blow your socks off. I also aim to write number of articles on different issues that arise throughout the pregnancy. So far ‘why do they get all those benefits?’ and ‘how should we announce this?’ have been a couple topics of debate I may discuss.

Hopefully you, the reader, will get be able to get something useful from this everyday journey my partner and I are on.

The Bad Blogger