Un-immaculate Conception

Dear Readers

I suppose I’m posting this diary purely for the fact that I wrote it. I’m not sure what useful information one might derive from it. Hopefully there is enough comedic value within to repay any sense of wasted time.

Early 2016

We decided we were going to try for a baby.

Late April

Bam came off the pill

28th April

I text B saying ‘Lets make a baby when I get home’. So later that night we tried.

7th May

B came home with a pregnancy test.

9th May

Bam text saying she’s feeling a bit sick and stressed. She’s been told this is because she’s just come off the pill. I sympathized and offered to make tea and run a bath for when she gets home. She told me off for not asking questions about feeling sick.

10th May

The book ‘Pregnancy for Men’ has arrived. Hopefully I’ve a while before having to pick it up.

12th May

Had another go at making a baby.

14th May

I begged it in the morning, received in the evening haha, that’s a joke.

21st May

Bam said something about stomach pains.

23rd May

Had sex last night. B mentioned having stomach pains.

27th May

B’s not started her period, today is her most typical day. We had shower then bed sex. I said I thought B was already pregnant ‘because her boobs seemed a bit different’

Bam later said that maybe her period was due the following week haha. But just to make sure we did a pregnancy test. Stopwatch out to time the dipping of the test stick into a cotton bud tub lid worth of wee, 5 seconds, and then we covered the test stick and timed 3 minutes. This wait was pretty agonizing. Negative, not pregnant. I think I can wait another month or so anyhow. Although I am trying!

Not this time.

31st May

B said some blood came out. While she may have lost track of the general week her cycle occurs shes confident it never starts on a Wednesday.

2nd June

She came on as normal. Mystery solved.

Please forgive me for recording all this shit. At the time [I thought] it could have been relevant.

11th June

Tried making a baby.

18th June

Downstairs watching Harry Potter became a V assisted attempt at making a baby.

25th June

Went out on the town and got pretty drunk. Got home and had rare drunk sex.

30th June

She informed me that she came on, not pregnant.

8th July

Had a go.


28th July


1st Aug

Had another go.


Been slack on the writing but did manage to get a few rounds in over the time.

2nd Dec

Got home from work early on the Friday as we were heading to London. I was in the kitchen and Bam called through from the front room “I’ve got some good news”. I went in and B rummaged in her bag and pulled out a little tube thing. She said something along the line of “it says I’m pregnant look, 2 straight lines”. I was a little taken away and gave her a big hug. Then we went to London and ended our attempts at conception with a final round.



Author: The Bad Blogger

I'm an enthusiastic Dad-to-be attempting to document some of the coming events in hope of helping future parents..... and for a bit of a laugh.

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